How To Accelerate Your Personal Success?!

Get ready for a golden idea that will accelerate your personal success beyond your imagination.

Are you like most of people who may sit with themselves and define their strengths and weaknesses?

And after that you start developing a plan to improve your weaknesses to become a better person.

And while applying your plan, you face a lot of difficulties and you might surrender with the excuse that it is a habit that can't be changed.

If you are like those people, then accept my apology: you are limiting your chances of success and putting yourself in a great struggle.

By following that method you are wasting time and effort and you are far beyond the fast track to ultimate personal success.

Now forget about that method and let me give you the golden idea to accelerate your personal success:

"Focus 80% of your time and energy building and improving your strengths and focus the remaining 20% on improving you weaknesses".

Don't say it is strange because your strengths will become weaknesses if you left them without continuous improvement.

Your strength will decrease fast while your weakness may improve slowly and you will end up being a "middle" person with no unique talent or value.

To be a person of value you have to focus on your uniqueness and special talent. Develop it, improve it, and the most important thing is: use it, use it and use it.

Forget about your weaknesses; no body is perfect. And focus on your strengths. Focus on the unique value you have more than anyone else.

If you do that you will accelerate your personal success and become a person of great value.

Build on your talents and strengths and don't give much attention to your weaknesses. No body is perfect.

Again, here is the golden idea for accelerating personal success:

"Focus 80% of your time and energy building and improving your strengths and focus the remaining 20% on improving you weaknesses".

My friend, you can make a difference.

I believe in you.

How Do You Define Success?

"Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire."
~Arnold H. Glasow

This really is a great quote. Not only is it interesting but also inspiring.

One of the truths that I find most frustrating as a teacher and a coach is that many people believe that success, in whatever field of endeavor they are currently striving, is rather like winning the lottery. In fact, it certainly seems from the evidence that they in fact believe that success is even more random because they aren't even buying a ticket. They are simply passively waiting.

If you listen to people talk you won't hear many people voicing this opinion of success but look around you and watch what people are actually doing--or rather not doing--and you will quickly see what I mean.

Many people want things--they want to be rich, they want to be at the top of their profession, they want a successful marriage, they want to raise great kids, they want to be respected in their community, and so on. But what do they do to achieve this success? Are they working both hard and smart toward their financial goals and living frugally while they do so? Are they constantly learning and striving at their job? Are they showing their spouse love, consideration, understanding, and generosity? Are they spending time with their children both modeling how to be a good person and being generous with their love and understanding? Are they regularly proving themselves an asset within their community by being a good neighbor in every sense of the word?

We all know that we must accomplish these tasks as I set them out to achieve success in these areas. Probably I missed something as well. I am hardly a model of success in every area. I would in fact describe myself as fair to middling. {g} I am certainly not rich but the bills get paid and our basics and then some are covered without too much stress. My boss, peers, and subordinates think I am doing a pretty good job as well as those that I serve professionally. While my marriage is in fairly good shape I know I could certainly put more into it. I think I have a great kid but know well my failings as a mother. I contribute to my community but no where near the level that I could or should.

How do you define success?

Is it money, career, love, marriage, family, friendship, respect, community?

For me, success is primarily about love. How many lives do I touch with mine? How many hearts? Who has been changed by my existence in a postive way? I hope that people judge me as a good person and that if I died tomorrow that there would be great mourning.

If we really want this success then we will set ourselves on fire. We won't wait for spontaneous combustion.

Fullfilling Success

“True success is the attainment of purpose without compromising your core values.” John Hayhurst Sr.

Success is defined by many in so many ways. Many people define it by what the have yet to attain or by what others have attained. In the pursuit of success we often prostitute ourselves to many things we would eventually live to regret. We run miles down one street only to find we are completely lost.

The cliché is obvious – the pursuit of success defined by wealth, will often leave people unhappy – even if they achieve that wealth, they have had to do things or sacrifice relationships to do it.

So in this crazy world, how do we reach success?

A personal definition of success is critical to finding it, much like identifying the place you wish to travel to is necessary before the journey begins. If we don’t know where we are going, we wont know when we get there, let alone how to get there and if we should even be trying to get there or not.

Every goal has a cost. You may want to win an Olympic medal, well there is a cost, and its more than just training pains. You will not lead a normal social life, you can’t do what others do. If you want to become a CEO of a major company, there is a cost – you may have the title and big house, but you may have trouble at home given all your hours in the office. Essential to everyone who endeavours to do something is counting the cost. Whether you build a house or plan a picnic – it is critical to know what it will take.

Once you have defined your goal and have accepted the benefits and costs of such a goal, you are now ready to start. But before you rush off – are you sure you have the right goal. I know you have a goal, but is it right? Does it cost you too much? Is success at any cost your mantra? What if that cost was the lives of your kids, your conscience, your integrity? What are your core values that you cannot compromise? We all have them, and we need to know what they are.

If you goal is to make say $1000 in 24hrs. Success would be having $1000 cash in your pocket this time tomorrow. Well you could simply rob a convenience store or two at gunpoint – reach your goal, but would you consider yourself successful? Depends if those armed robberies compromise some core values – I hope they would!

Your values and your potential will determine what is possible for you. Success would be maximizing that potential in such a manner that inspires generations to come. As you consider Internet Marketing – its important you think about what is important to you and how you can accomplish your goals without compromise.

Thanks for reading,
Your Rich Cousin
(Author and Business Success Story) Get the free e-book that got me started and helped me start making money at http://www.richcousin.com It's so straight forward and easy to understand AND you will have the support you need to start making a great income online.

Achieve Your Goals Through The Magic Of Consistency

Consistency seems to be a boring idea at first sight. It lacks glamour and excitement. But, when you look more closely, consistency is anything but boring. It contains the secret of achievement and success. It is the key to an almost magical power than can transform lives.

Consistency means repeating the same behaviors regularly and without exceptions. Consistent behavior is the opposite of erratic behavior. Skipping workouts is an example of erratic behavior. Performing all or most of your workouts is an example of consistency.

Consistency creates powerful habits; lack of consistency and exceptions mean that you have to start building the habits all over again.

Consistency allows the seeds to grow and the fruit to arrive. Regular, patient, consistent action is necessary to achieve good results. Even winning the lottery requires buying a ticket and entering the numbers.

A woman who won the US $162 million lottery is quoted as saying, that she played the same numbers consistently for two years. She didn't play it once or twice and give up as so may people do.

She steadfastly believed that her dream of winning the lottery would be realized. Consistency, then, may occasionally work even in the notoriously risky world of gambling.

Recently, I read an outstanding article by T.J. Walker, the public speaking and communication expert. He commented on how often communication breaks down on the internet because of a lack of consistency.

Ezines, blogs and podcasts often only last for one or two issues and then they disappear. Either their creators ran out of material or foolishly expected success after one or two efforts and gave up when the results of their efforts were disappointing.

Most marketing gurus insist that sales only come after about seven email messages have been sent to a list of potential customers.

Many would be entrepreneurs lack the patience and consistency to send out even seven messages to their lists. They are unlikely to succeed in winning the trust of their customers.

Nearly any goal worth achieving demands regular and consistent efforts. If you want to achieve a black belt in a martial art, you need to show up to one training session after another whether you feel like it or not.

I know, from many years of experience, that students who show up regularly for training almost always achieve their goal of becoming a black belt.

However, I have had some very talented students who lacked patience and only showed up sporadically. When their progress up the ladder of success seemed too slow to them, they gave up and disappeared.

When I examine my martial arts students at grading sessions, I often congratulate them for just being there. I tell them that they are already half way through the grading because they have shown up and in the famous words of Woody Allen: "80% of success in life is just showing up."

By showing up, my students have shown that they have guts and are willing to accept the fact that they might look foolish if they forget their syllabus or perform it badly. Not every one can face this possibility and I even had one student give up the martial art because the grading seemed too worrying.

One person who has never failed to show up in the UK and about a third of the rest of the world is Queen Elizabeth II. For over half a century she has shown up at one formal and informal occasion after another in good and bad times. She has traveled thousands of miles around the world to achieve her goal of being a servant of her country and the commonwealth.

Today was her 80th birthday and most of the country and even the media showed their appreciation for her consistent adherence to duty. One paper actually called her "Elizabeth the Great".

Greatness only comes when efforts are consistent. Champion teams win championships not because they win every match but because they consistently play well and with determination and, as a result, win most of their matches.

An individual loses weight because they stick consistently to their diet and to their exercise regime. A body builder adds muscle weight because he consistently attends the gym whether he feels like it or not. The champions do not give up when they feel tired or bored or when results seem painfully slow.

Daily efforts create habits and habits make it easier to make those daily efforts but it still takes hard work and the determination to follow through every single day no matter what.

To achieve your goals repeat your efforts every single day. Turn up in the gym or wherever you need to. Don't be like my step brother who was once told: "You won't turn up for your own funeral!"

Occasionally you make have to make an exception and miss out on the desired behavior. One way to avoid exceptions is to perform the behavior you have planned as early as possible in the day before the rest of the family and the cat start demanding your attention!

Another way to avoid exceptions is to make a list of your most important daily behaviors in order of importance. Stick it on your wall and read it as soon as you get up. This way, your consistency will not falter because of a poor memory.

Repeat the desired or planned behavior daily and with as few exceptions as possible and you will make gradual but certain progress and eventually achieve your loftiest goals and dreams.

Even if you don't achieve all your goals and dreams, you will have at least become a great character and a person of value because you did what you planned to do on a daily basis. That, at least, is a goal worth achieving.

Lead By Example

Have you ever read any good books on leadership? Maybe something by John Maxwell? What stands out in my mind when it comes to the information contained in these books is the technique for effective leadership. One of the biggest is leading by example.

Throughout history some of the greatest leaders were people of vision, people who saw something that others could not see and shared their vision with the masses to improve the quality of life. Never once did a leader become a great leader by being pessimistic and negative. Never has anything been accomplished of value by looking at a problem and complaining without offering a solution to the problem. In fact, a leader who only offers a negative picture remains a leader for a short time, a time when they are noticed but become irrelevant.

I have spoken of the negative influence of the media in our lives and how we must strive to overcome it. I believe that immersing ourselves in the positive we can accomplish that. A leader of people must understand that to be effective, he has to give the people who follow him hope of better things. In doing so, he rises to higher levels and accomplishes great things. When he loses sight of the lofty challenge of being a positive visionary in any organization, a leader is destined to fail, for no one will follow a leader who is going over a cliff.

As you strive to develop your business or career, you should keep in mind that you can be whomever you wish to be. You can look at challenges and problems and offer real solutions and visions for the future that people can grasp onto, or you can see the problem and rub everyone's nose in it as you complain about it until no one is listening anymore.

When you have a customer and they lodge a complaint, you perk up and listen to them. If you work for a company that you complain about all the time, no one listens when you complain. Complainers develop a cloak of invisibility that is only penetrated when they are seen long enough to be removed from the company. At that point, the complainer has become nothing more than an eyesore.

As we look at the so-called leaders of the day, we should keep in mind that we are not the only ones who see them. The world is watching our country and our business. As our leaders complain without offering solutions, the world sees an ugly picture of discontent and failure with no solutions at hand. Only when people realize that the role of the leader is to be the visionary, the one with the answer, will things in our world change for the better. Until then, we get what we ask for and what we vote for.

Expect great things, offer great solutions, and when you are ready for the challenge, throw your hat in the ring and step up to lead.

Leadership & Teamwork

Strong, positive teamwork is defined by a leader who has a vision and the ability to inspire his or her team to work toward the realization of that vision.

The leader is not threatened in the least by the expertise and diversity of his or her team. Rather, a good team leader engages his or her teammates in a discussion about what quality looks like, what is needed to perform and complete the job, and empowers the team members to always strive for quality improvement.

Let’s break all that down into its component parts. The first is a clearly defined leader. I believe every team must have a leader. There must be someone who is in charge and makes the ultimate decisions.

Team members may take turns being the leader as long as everyone is clear who the leader is on any given day. Another variation of that theme is to have certain people be the leader for projects that are in their area of expertise. However, in every event, there can be no question among teammates who is the leader for that day or project.

The leader needs to have a vision. This is similar to Covey’s second habit, “Begin with the end in mind.” A true leader creates the end product twice---once mentality and then in its actual form. It is impossible to lead toward a fuzzy vision. People are simply not inspired to follow uncertainty.

Having the vision is not enough to inspire teammates to strive toward the same goal. A good team leader knows how to help each teammate see how the end product or service will be useful and what, exactly, their individual contribution is toward that end.

How does the janitor contribute to fans’ enjoyment at a professional baseball game? By providing a clean, neat bathroom experience---that’s how. If the janitor sees himself as a critical cog in the big picture goal and he receives positive recognition for it, then he is more likely to perform his job with enthusiasm.

Another component of being able to inspire one’s teammates is having a clearly defined mission that everyone, preferably, has had a part in developing, but if not, then at least team members can agree to the previously established team mission.

This becomes important in times of conflict between team members. When there is a dispute to be solved, it is helpful to have an already established way to measure the solution. Solutions are always held up against the mission and whether or not it will move the team closer or further from the ultimate goal.

The other advantage of having a mission that has been agreed upon by all team members is that it can enhance cooperation. One of the most difficult things to manage on a team is an individual ego. There can be petty jealousies and a competitive spirit that can kill the cooperation of the best team. The mission statement is a way to minimize this potential for disaster.

The mission remains the focus that everything else is compared to. An individual’s action is either helpful or hurtful to the mission and dealt with accordingly. The group’s goal must always be placed above any individual’s desires or ego. Jealousy and backstabbing have no useful place on a team.

A good leader is in no way threatened by the expertise and diversity of his or her team. The best leaders are always seeking information from the front line people who are doing the actual work. Without information from team members, the leader’s hands are tied behind his or her back.

It is also critical to use team members in their areas of expertise. Leaders can’t know everything about everything. There will be team members who have skills and abilities that surpass those of the leader in certain areas. A good leader will ask for help when it is prudent.

This is also a time to value diversity. Having a team made up of people who all do the same jobs in pretty much the same way really has no value. One person could more easily do the job than assembling a homogenous team.

The value of a team comes from its heterogeneity. Getting feedback and suggestions from people who do things differently is what will spark the creativity and the genius of the team. This is what masterminding is all about. Tap into the wealth that is already there.

Finally, a good leader holds the bar high. He or she does not ask his team to be average or mediocre. Average and mediocre can be easily replaced. The leader asks his or her team to collectively do their very best and when they are done, the leader asks them to always strive for continuous improvement. The work is never done. The team should always be evaluating what has been implemented and be comfortable making suggestions for ways to do it even better.

Previously, I mentioned that a good leader empowers his or her teammates. Creating a need-satisfying environment does this. Team members must get along and know that the leader and the company have their best interests at heart. They must feel important, listened to and respected. They must have the freedom to make choices within the context of their assignments and they must have some fun in their work.

It is also critical for team members to feel safe. This means that they are not fearful in any way. The team leader is critical in fostering this environment for the empowerment of the entire team.

Leadership

Although some people treat the terms management and leadership as synonyms, the two should be distinguished. As a matter of fact, there can be leaders of completely unorganized groups. On the other hand, there can be managers, as conceived here, only where organized structures create roles.

Separating leadership from management has important analytical advantages. It permits leadership to be singled out for study without the encumbrance of qualifications relating to the more general issues of management.

To clarify, leadership is certainly an important aspect of managing. The ability to lead effectively is one of the keys to being an effective manager; also, undertaking the other essentials of managing -- doing the entire managerial job -- has an important bearing on ensuring that a manager will be an effective leader. Managers must exercise all the functions of their role in order to combine human and material resources to achieve objectives. The key to doing this is the existence of a clear role and a degree of discretion or authority to support the manager’s actions.

The essence of leadership is followership. In other words, it is the willingness of other people to follow that makes a person a leader. Moreover, people tend to follow those whom they see as providing a means of achieving their own desires, wants and needs. Leadership and motivation are closely interconnected. By understanding motivation, one can appreciate better what people want and why they act as they do. Also, leaders may not only respond to subordinates' motivations but also arouse or dampen them by means of the organizational climate they develop. Both these factors are as important to leadership as they are to management.

Leadership can be defined as influence, that is, the art of influencing people so that they will strive willingly and enthusiastically toward the achievement of group goals. Ideally, people should be encouraged to develop not only a willingness to work but also a willingness to work with zeal and confidence.

Empowered Leadership

It seems that every decade or so there is some new fad the runs through the business world in terms of supervision and in the world of diversity management, downsizing, outsourcing, generational work conflicts and the information age, things are even more complicated than ever before.

No longer does a one size fits all leadership model really work. We can’t treat everyone the same and expect that everything will just “work out” somehow. Managers and leaders must have a framework with which to manage their workers in a way that honors everyone’s unique and specific position on the job.

Empowered leadership is the way to do just that. Empowered leadership shares the power between management and the workers, thus empowering both groups.

Conventional wisdom tells us that when those in power relinquish some of that power by sharing it or giving it to their employees, then they would lose something when in actually, they gain.

Think about it. When people rule with an iron hand, they generally instill fear in those who work for them. Do you do your best work when you are afraid? I don’t know about you but I will attempt to comply because I want to avoid negative consequences but it certainly won’t be my best work. The absolute best a manager can hope for with coercion is compliance. If compliance is enough, then coercion might work.

However, I will gripe and complain and quietly wait for opportunities to get even. I won’t have a kind thing to say about my employer and at every available chance will seek corroboration for how I feel from my co-workers, thus spreading an “us” versus “them” mentality.

When leaders and managers seek to empower their workers, they will gain their loyalty. Workers want to give their supervisor their best when they are listened to and respected. Without fear, their minds can be creative and innovative.

When managers are willing to accommodate special requests and it doesn’t interfere with product or service delivery, then their employees will be sure to give back their best in return. Giving away power only increases a manager’s power.

Now, I am not talking about being a total pushover and only advocating for what employees want. As a manager, you have a two-fold job—you are to represent your employees’ desires, opinions and suggestions to management while at the same time communicating management’s issues, concerns and expectations to your employees. This is not an easy line to walk.

You will never get the best from your employees if they don’t respect you. You cannot be a doormat for your employees to walk over. If they believe you have no bottom line or nonnegotiables, then they will never be satisfied and always asking for more. You will feel used and abused and the truth is, you asked for it.

As a manager, you must hold the bar high. Expect great things from each and every one of your workers. If you only expect mediocrity, mediocrity is exactly what you will get. Set the standards and lead by example. If your workers see you giving it your all, it will be difficult for them to perform below standard.

You must have production goals you are attempting to meet for either products or services. Always enlist the help of your employees to set the goals, with the underlying premise being continual improvement.

And as a manager, you have the responsibility to create a need satisfying workplace for yourself and your workers. You cannot emphasize one to the exclusion of the other without there being undesirable consequences.

When you focus on production only and forget the human capital, you will end up with resentful, resistant, angry workers. On the other hand, when you only focus on the people end and allow production goals to be compromised; you will have workers who do everything they can to take advantage and to get out of doing the work. After all, if you the manager don’t value production, why should they?

Somewhere in the middle, when you are walking that very fine line between relationships and production goals, you are practicing empowered leadership and that’s where you will get the most from your employees.

Happy New Year - Dare To Live Your Life To The Fullest

How have you lived your life until now? Have you lived very safely and in a structured way? Do you do what you are “supposed” to do, go to your job, take care of your friends and families, support those around us and all the while put your desires on the back burner to be taken up for when the time is “right”. Your busy routine continues day in and day out. You trade self-fulfillment for “security” and ignore that persistent voice inside of you that refuses to go away, that voice that reminds you that you are not living your fullest life. You ignore those “aha” moments when you catch a glimpse of all the possibilities available to you, the moments that cause you to remember that life could be and should be a lot more exciting, adventurous and purposeful than it is.

When New Year comes around, you swear to yourselves and others that you going to go out on a limb that year and live the life you know was meant for you, but then you find yourselves caught up in the motions again. “There must be more to life.” I hear people say. Well there is and what better time than now to make some changes. What better way to start off this New Year than by paying attention to your inner voice? That voice tends to stick around reminding you that you were meant for something much larger than that which you may have settled for.

In 2006 would you dare to take the plunge and unlock all your aspirations by making the decision to live unconventionally? Have you ever wanted to cut your hair short, go red, learn Spanish, enroll for a degree, join a painting class, take a trip to an exotic place, support a child in Africa, or learn how to tango?

If a cold climate does not suit you why not make plans to move to a warmer one, fix relationships that need fixing and get professional help if need be, find your soul mate – yes it can be done and for once and for all do not allow yourself to work a minute longer than you have to in a job that is destroying your confidence day by day. Update your resume, put yourself on the market and get some valuable recruitment advice.

Quite simply, for this year stop being the victim of your own life. Make the choice to live more freely, live with spirit, and stop being the good little student and experiment with your life. Go out on a limb and see what happens. Open your heart more, feel more and live with passion. Forget about always trying to be in control. Instead do what feels right and what makes you happy.
Whose standards customs are you going to conform to in 2006?
Why not be your own pioneer and allow yourself to live an amazing life.

Quote of the week

“Nobody can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Mark Robinson

A new years poem (By Jerry, 1993)

It's New Years again, and I would expect
It's time for agendas, and time to reflect.
A time to take inventory, of the year just past,
And a time to confront, our errors at last.
A time to recall, those no longer here,
A time to remember, a time to revere.
A time to resolve, for the year now new,
To change or adjust, those things we will do.
A time to change habits, and really we should,
convert them all please, from bad ones to good,
A time to thank God, who made night and morning,
To see a new day, and enjoy a new dawning,
It's time for us all, to seize the gold fleece,
Release sparkles of stardust, of love and new peace.
A time to embrace, all those we hold dear,
To hold them, and wish them, "A Happy New Year!

New Year's Resolutions? Don't Be So Hard On Yourself

Have you set resolutions for yourself to accomplish in 2006? Maybe you want to get more exercise, eat healthier, or spend more time with your family. If you're in business for yourself, maybe you are thinking about hiring a bookkeeper, working fewer hours, or beefing up your marketing plan. All of those things are very good goals, but how do you really feel about them? If you're like me, you probably think that you need resolutions, and furthermore, you have to accomplish all of them in order to be successful. How can we not feel that way when the media is chirping away about making and keeping our new year's resolutions?

Well, maybe you should go a little easier on yourself. What about trying just one new thing to improve your life in some small way? This can either be something personal or professional. The important thing to remember is that this "thing," whatever it is, should be important to you, and bring value to your life in some way. Even if it's just taking 20 minutes at the end of each day to kick back, close your eyes and do absolutely nothing; if that will improve your peace-of-mind or help you to relax, that's great -- mission accomplished!

Try to remember that we are all human, and that no one is perfect. Take baby steps to reach your goals, and they won't seem so overwhelming. And if things are just fine in your life right now, and you don't feel the need to make any improvements, then don't. It's that simple. Don't worry about having lofty goals -- just focus on smaller ones as you see fit.

By taking care of yourself, and not putting the pressure on to create resolutions that you may never keep, you'll be able to enjoy 2005 to your fullest. Here's to a healthy, happy, and successful year ahead...your way!!

The Power of Positive Thinking.

Welcome to the bridge of Manifest life. Don' t let any situation take the control. You are the second master of the game, under the universe master law, what you think is what you get. Can that be possible?
Yes it can be, you got to be in a manifesting state, your mind, your body is one, not two.
The flow of energy that is rotating in the universe can break you if you are not going in the right direction. You must follow the law of the universe, and be happy. Do not worry about what is happening, but accept it and act toward a positive trend if it can be done, but never stay without acting when the bad situation, the non lucky time frame is falling on you, this is definitivly a law of the universe, and it will happen again and again, you got to do something, but the thing that will put you on the right track...

You must understand that; be careful, the universe can' t be redirected, rather you should follow the same direction, and profit from the tremendous flow of vital energy coming from the six directions.
Good force are there, but you must know how to avoid the bad forces. Although the positive forces are stronger, it is easy to fall in the wrong wave, and quite difficult to focus and stay on the right way.
So how can you be positive all the time, you think: nobody can do that.
No, a lot of people do it, what is the difference between them?
Two kind of people: The sleeping, and the awake.
It is not the real sleep here, you should understand what the sleeper is: in fact, he is awake like everybody, so why is he a sleeper?

Just look around you, and try to find out: is that man awake or he is a sleeper? Do that exercise, and you will be astonished with the results, you will be able to feel people, to feel the energy, like you feel the wind touch on your skin...
He is a sleeper because he can' t control, he doesn' t see... Everyday, he wakes up like every people in this world(law of the universe, nobody can change it), however, he is not satisfied with his life, it is just a matter of doing things because they got to be done, because everybody is doing that...
The sleeper act, eat, do everything without vitality, without energy, without love, without passion, he is a sleeper, his life is empty.
Worst he doesn 't know what is life...
We will complete the sleeping case, and start with the awake, the enlighten case...

You Make Me Feel

Do other people make you feel things?

Do they make you feel happy or sad?

I’m curious. How do they make you feel this way?

Do they say, “Hey, here’s a tin of sadness.”

Or maybe they say, “Ahh, you need a bucket of happiness. Hold on, I’ve got one here you can have.”

Can you find happiness or sadness on the supermarket shelves, pre-packaged and ready to go?

Shopaholics amongst you would argue that you could; however I would say you can’t.

We often rely on other people to “make” us feel a certain way. We rely on them to do something, say something, be something in order for us to feel happy. If they don’t do what we are expecting them to, we get upset, sad and hurt.

In short, we often attempt to control other people in order to control how we feel; that is, our emotions.

And when we do this, we are setting ourselves up for failure, because we can’t control anyone else. We cannot force anyone to do anything or assume they will.

There is just one person we control; ourselves.

People don’t make us feel certain emotions. We choose to feel them. We decide to react in a certain way. We make assumptions about what people mean. We leap to conclusions.

No one can give you a tin of unhappiness, or a bucket of joy. These things are not physical items that can be passed from person to person. They are intangible items that exist only in ourselves.

In fact just the other day I was at a wedding. I told one of my friends how wonderful she looked and how much I liked her outfit. She leapt to the conclusion that I was being sarcastic and chose to be offended by what was a genuine compliment.

Had I even been being sarcastic, she could have chosen to be complimented and replied with a, “I’m glad you like it” and felt better about herself.

There was a guy I knew when I was younger. He was short, balding, spotty and he had been short changed in the looks department. Yet whenever we went out to bars, he’d wander up to any pretty woman and start talking to her. If she turned him down, he’d shrug his shoulders and continue.

I don’t think it ever even occurred to him to feel bad about these rejections. He’d just smile and say, “Your loss” and move on to the next one.

Believe it or not, each of you are in control of yourself and how you feel. You can choose to feel anyway you want. Right now, you could choose to feel happy; or I am sure you could choose to feel sad. Just by thinking about it, you could change how you feel.

It’s almost magic isn’t it?

So what about choosing how you feel when you are interacting with other people?

The vast majority of people run on auto-pilot. They allow their body and mind to more or less get on with it, not worrying too much about the programs that are running or the condition of it. It doesn’t interfere with them too much so they allow it to get on with it.

It’s like watching all the cars driving around a city and not realising there is someone inside controlling them.

Most people have forgotten there is this “person” inside of them controlling them.

If you choose, you can take back control of how you feel and stop relying on other people to meet certain conditions.

When you go to the office and someone says, “Good Morning” to you, you can choose to grumble and mutter, “There’s nothing good about it.” Or, you can choose to reply in kind and say, “It’s a fantastic morning.”

That is, you can choose to feel bad or choose to feel good.

Which do you prefer?

Realise that you are the only person who can make you feel anything and stop allowing the people around you to make you feel bad. Decide to feel good and enjoy yourself.

If someone turns you down or rejects you, “It’s their loss” or something similar.

If someone says insults you, “Poor thing, must be confused” or something similar.

Decide to take back control of yourself and your life and to stop being on auto-pilot. Choose how you are going to feel instead of allowing other people to choose for you.

Where is Happiness?

o you move through life feeling everyday is the same? Like some repeated pattern that goes on and on? For some people, there's nothing new to do under the sun, and nowhere to go. Everything is just boring, boring, boring. They work so hard to earn enough money to play, but yet their playtime passes so fast. Suffer five days, enjoy two days. Sometimes, to break the monotony, they seek thrill through intoxicants (alcohol, smoke), sex, and even drugs. For these temporary pleasures, it feels exciting while it's happening, but once it's over, the same pattern of meaninglessness sets in, and they're left thinking, "When can I get the next high?"

Perhaps you will recognize this scene... Two old men are sitting on a bus. As the bus passes by the red-light district, one old man says to the other, "Hey... aren't you going to see the chickens (prostitute) today?" The other man raises an eyebrow... a spark in his wrinkled eyes, "Yes, yes, I will be going this afternoon!" The first old man smirks, and says, "You didn't even bring your medicine, how can you DO IT?"

For some people, their lust is so strong, that they borrow money from family and friends, just to visit brothels. You will see this pattern in addicts. Drug addicts, sex addicts, alcohol addicts. They're always looking for the greater thrill and the next high, and that's what sets their life on a downward spiral. They waste their time, energy, and money, instead of using it to build success.

For life to have zest, everyone needs that natural feeling of drive, anticipation, and excitement. When one does not know how to get it naturally, one may resort to vices to stimulate that sense of being fully alive, desperately trying to bring some meaning into life. But you see, happiness is within you... If you can’t satisfy your wants, then the other way to happiness is to release them. Let go of that which you must have. Shakyamuni Buddha said that, "All desire leads to suffering..." Suffering because you crave what you do not have. And let me ask you this: Is this yearning self-created? Or something imposed on you by the outside world? Perhaps it's the outside world's fault because other people keep flaunting their luxuries and exotic experiences. But surely, we create this yearning within ourselves. It is within our power to control it, or release it altogether.

Lord Richard Layard, Professor from the London School of Economics, a leading happiness researcher, says, "Happiness is a balance between your expectations and your attainments. One way is to get what you want. The other, is liking what you get."

Many of our desires are misplaced. We think getting them will bring us happiness, but that is an illusion. These misplaced desires are nothing more than temporary pleasures. You don't need to satisfy your desires to be happy; you need only release them. Do you need the attention of the opposite sex? No, as you get older, your body parts will sag, and the opposite sex will pay less attention to you. Must you get laid to be happy? No, as you age, your sex hormones will lessen, and so will your desire to mate. Must you wait till you have a million bucks? Nope. Historical and worldwide research shows that above US$15,000 a year, higher income is no guarantee of greater happiness.

The people who feel good everyday, without resorting to vices, have one mental characteristic in common. They have a dream, and they know what they want to achieve in life. This sense of purpose drives them; gives meaning to their existence. They have discovered their soul's calling, and are living life to the fullest by following it. This is different from those who are 'party animals', "living life to the fullest" by drowning in deafening music, and shaking till the sun rises... That's not living, that's dying.

If you want to find true meaning and happiness in life, then you've got to uncover your life's purpose. For each of us has a unique destiny. A path made specially for you to walk on this journey through life. Follow it, and you arrive in paradise. Ignore it, and you continue to wander... wasting time, and life itself.

1. You need to know what you’re made of. Your talents, strengths, and abilities.
2. Craft a vision for yourself, and visualize that dream in your mind.
3. Work out a plan that sets your goals and decides what actions you must take to achieve them.
4. Tell your closest friends about it, and commit yourself to taking five of the planned actions everyday to build your dream.

When you see that your actions are creating results, it will be a natural source of excitement and inspiration. Instead of spending time, energy, and money on vices, you invest it in creating an upward spiral of success. By releasing your desire for temporary pleasures, you kick your bad habit out the door. By choosing to live your purpose and answer your soul’s calling, you break free from the chains of monotony, and find truth, meaning, and happiness in life.

Discover Your Path to Success – Part 4

In Part Three, I promised we would get into the resources. Before we do, however, let’s discuss a treasure that most of us have been exposed to, but don’t take nearly enough time out of our day to focus on – the power of prayer. This may offend some people, but I hope it does not; as that is not
my intent.

As humans, we have progressed in so many ways, but we have lost touch with our bodies, nature, and the power of prayer. There seems to be a spiritual renaissance, of sorts, going on in the “new age” movement.

However, there are a large number of children growing up with no spiritual guidance at all. There are many reasons, and excuses, for this, but a large portion of this generation of children could grow up, out of touch, with their spiritual health.

Always remember that “whole health” deals with mind, body, and spirit, as they are interconnected. If these three components are healthy, you are in good shape at any age.

What does this have to do with success? Well, God does make the ultimate ally. Your prayers do honor God’s presence - by giving thanks, and asking for help, in times of need. You will feel much better, and prayer applies to every religion.

Personally, the importance does not lie in what religion you are; however, a lack of religion does seem to run parallel with depression. This is classified as spiritual illness, which will have a negative effect on you mentally, physically, or totally.

The concept of God does not apply to all religions, but the concept of prayer does. If you try it, you will heal from the inside - out.

The following resources start from classics that my Grandfather gave to me as a child.

The Law of Success, by Napoleon Hill - 1928

How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie - 1936

Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill - 1937

The Power of Positive Thinking, by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale – 1952

All of these books can be found in audio format, which makes them very
handy, especially if you are commuting in your car. Each of these books can
also be found on my desk, or in the book case, in my office. Over the years, I had to replace some of the old books my Grandfather gave me, as the worn pages separated from the bindings.

I extend my apologies to the many other great authors, who I did not list; that would be a very large book, within itself. The fact is - this is a good starting point before venturing out and discovering the hidden treasures in print, eBooks, or audio books.

Now you have the last hidden treasures to carve your own path to success. If you put these principles into action, there is no way you can fail. May your journey be a pleasant and safe one.

Discover Your Path to Success - Part 3

If you have read this far, we both know you are serious about succeeding, getting the most out of life, and attaining your goals.

Now, how do you “keep the fire burning” during life’s daily struggle? It’s simple really, but will require the patience to take each task into consideration, without doing everything at once.

You will get the urge to make up for lost time. You now want to jump ahead at “light speed.” If you already read Parts One and Two of this series, you are way ahead of the pack. So many people sit around and dream, doubt, or just talk, but very few take action and then stick with it.

The next step is to get a “coach.” You are now thinking, coaches are expensive; and you are right, but you don’t have to spend much. Here’s how it works: Look for the most positive person you can find, see, or hear, around you. This person is full of positive energy, and all you have to do is listen.

You can be selective about advice, but realize that positive energy is contagious, and you will walk away from conversations with positive energy, too. On the other hand, stay away from negative talk; it is also contagious.

Are you in need of more positive energy? No problem - read articles like this, read self-improvement books, or listen to inspirational audio books, to instill positive energy within you. You can’t lose with a steady dose of positive energy to carry you through the day.

So how do you separate good information from bad? Where do you start, and what, or who, would you listen to first? In the last, and final article of this series, I promise to reveal some great resources, but for now, it’s a good idea to gain positive energy by choosing sources that you find interesting.

If I lead you to a classic self-improvement book, you might find it boring.
However, if you start to read something and can’t put it down, you are getting positive energy and you are enjoying it.

Do yourself a favor, and get a self-improvement source today. You don’t have to implement all of the advice you read - just take what fits into your lifestyle.

Now, let’s look at visualization. This is an extremely powerful treasure, and all of us have the ability to visualize. Ever since the first human had a fantasy, and it came to pass, the power of visualization has built entire civilizations.

Think about what you want, close your eyes, envision it, and see that you have accomplished it. This is only an exercise, but it is an exercise toward success. Never confuse visualization with “pipe dreams.” Visualization is an exercise to cultivate positive energy, move forward, and accomplish goals.

The hidden treasures you found today are patience, the ability to learn, and visualization. Again, you already had them, but patience will require a little extra work, as it does for all of us.

Discover Your Path to Success - Part 2

Time taken for self-analysis is so important in developing your road map to success. Let’s continue with a few more questions to ask yourself - before we go into the heart of the formula for personal success.

Are you easily distracted?

Most people cannot focus on a goal, without getting “side tracked.” When this cannot be helped, you can develop a new skill set, through meditation, self-hypnosis, or by learning not to give up. You can learn to meditate in a variety of ways. At my site, we have a course, but you can also find Yoga classes where meditation is taught. There are many good books and CD’s. A very good CD is Meditation Made Simple by John Daniels.

Picture it like this: Christopher Columbus truly had a one-dimensional personality; he was focused on finding an alternate route to Asia, to the point of being a poor “family man.” However, unlike most people, he stayed focused and never gave up.

Now you don’t have to give up everything in life to achieve a goal, but you have to focus on your goal, avoid giving up, getting depressed, and make up your mind to enjoy the journey. It is still wise to have a complete life by allowing time for your family and friends. If you stay on a straight course, you will be “ahead in the game,” but you will have to mentally focus on your end result, even in bad economic times.

Can you rationally separate good advice from bad?

You will hear many opinions – some will be constructive, and others will be useless. You will have to know the difference, by evaluating all advice without emotion, and with an open mind.

Is the ultimate reward worth the cost and sacrifice?

You should already know that you may invest time, money, work, or all three, to reach your ultimate goal. Envision yourself reaching your ultimate objective, and if it is worth all of the sacrifice, then you should move on to the next step.

Start moving forward now. If you didn’t write your goals down, evaluate them, and prioritize them, you should go back to part one again, to finish that assignment. Much similar to a business, you must have a written plan to move forward.

Just don’t worry about getting it perfect. None of us ever do, and your plans will change as you go. In fact, life is adapting to a constantly changing universe. Most of us cannot accurately predict the cycles of the economy. We design a plan and prepare to turn on a dime, if necessary. Everything in life is subject to change and all of us have to accept it.

Realizing this, you now proceed with caution toward your short-term goals.
Once you have designed your plan, there is no need to “wait until next year.”

Put your plan into action and take one forward step at a time. This one step is the biggest of all your steps, and your commitment to succeed is your “guiding light.”

Now, what were the “hidden treasures” you found in part two? The answer is focus, commitment, and acceptance. You already have them; all you need to do is get the most out of what you already have.

Discover Your Path to Success - Part 1

Success can easily be compared to the “genie trapped in a bottle.” For many of us, it is a matter of finding a way to open the bottle, and then, follow a specific path. This path is filled with pitfalls, and traps, along the way, so it is wise to expand your vision by learning as you go.

To many people, success is a “fairytale” and as elusive as a Yeti. In reality, success is just around the corner, and sometimes already exists, as hidden treasure. I am not talking about sunken ships or Indiana Jones. What I am referring to are skills you already possess, friends and family who will help you, and accomplishments that you already have made.

When you put these hidden treasures, together, with your end goal in mind, you are on your way toward success. Now let’s look at a way to move forward every day, live a quality life, and help everyone around you, in the process.

Write all of your goals down, and keep them in a place that you will see. This could be on a piece of paper in your pocket, on your desk top, in a notebook, in your diary, or on your palm pilot. Wherever you put this information, it should be a place where you will see it, every day.

Separate realistic from lofty goals, but don’t throw lofty goals out. Also, separate short-term goals, from long-term goals, and design estimated time frames, for measured results. You don’t have to share this with anyone, unless they share the same goal. If you have, at least, one close friend, spouse, or family, who shares the same dream, you are in a very strong position.

However, you don’t need to be a “politician” to be successful, if you learn to focus on your goals, every day. Now we have to go over a few questions that will also help you design your road map toward success.

Will your goals hurt anyone? Will you have to step on anyone to get what you want?

If you answered yes to either one of the above questions, you should redefine your goal or goals, so you can achieve it or them without harming anyone in the process. If that is not possible, throw that goal out, and move on. Your goals should help people and be morally sound.

Do you have a real passion for your goals?

This one is also important because, if your goal is “flipping burgers” for money, it won’t be long, before that gets old. I have yet to meet the person, who has a real passion for flipping burgers. Please don’t get me wrong, some people are very good at it, but I have known many short order cooks, who wish they were doing something else besides “slaving” over a hot stove.

What you choose, must be something you love doing, and the money will follow. There are so many people, who craft an occupation, based upon money alone, and learn to regret it. If you have a purpose in life you have “self-worth.” Self-worth is a very valuable hidden treasure.

Love Is The Answer (Sounds Trite But It's True)

It’s all about love. It may seem trite to say, but its true. Love is where it’s at.

What do you want to do in life? It goes easier with love in your heart.
Want better relationships, or a better family life? Make sure love is in your heart.
Trying to do a better job at work? Do it with love.
Trying to make a difference in anything? Start by finding love.
Is there pain in your life that needs mending? Love is what heals.
Are you lonely; still looking for that special someone? Love will find a way.

In a world of pain and anguish, of seemingly endless problems and crises, love is so often forgotten or overlooked. In times of national crisis does anyone advocate love and forgiveness? And how often do you, when faced with interpersonal conflict, remember to keep love in your heart for the person you are facing?

This, of course, is not to say that love alone will solve all problems. But it is to say that all approaches to any problem will always resolve quicker and easier and will lead toward healing when love is consciously present.

Violence does not stop violence; it only breeds more violence. Period. The scars born of violence do not go away; rather, they fester and return in kind.

Love dissipates violence. Not always immediately, but always eventually. This is why the most powerful advocates for peace are the most vocal advocates for love. We need only look at leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, who both advocated nonviolent protest and loving the enemy, to see that armies may be conquered and systematic repression can be stopped with the use of long-term campaigns of love, kindness, and forgiveness.

Again, this is not to say that love alone is a panacea, a magic pill that cures all. It is only to say that all methods and plans for positive change will always work better when there is an undercurrent of conscious loving energy.

Love is the one thing that is universally revered as being good for us all, and yet, with tragic consequence, it is so often ignored as a technique for change. Indeed, finding and keeping love in our hearts is the only way to consistently promote and effect healing, on both a personal and a national level.

It is fear that drives us to violence, as individuals and as nations. It takes courage to look beyond that fear and to consider that forgiveness and acceptance are necessary elements in any healthy relationship, whether it’s between two people or between two cultures. Fear pushes away; love brings together.

Love is the universal element that can be used in any situation where positive change is needed. It is not the only element, but is the element that can be used anytime, anywhere.

Love is the answer.

Learn How To Love Yourself

I’m sure you read a lot of times this sentence : you need first to love yourself.
But what does that mean? Is it about getting you a hot chocolate when you are cold? Is it about getting you a new dress when you feel like it? Is it doing whatever you want when you want it? Is it about putting warm clothes on when it’s freezing outside?

Loving yourself means to learn to treat you like a loving parent would do with his child.

When you are an adult, and I assume you are, you still have an Inner Child inside you. These are your emotions. At that level you still react like a child of 3-4 years old. Your emotions can not get older or mature. But you can get mature. You can learn how to respect them and how to handle them. You can learn how to take care of this Inner Child.

When you are not aware of your Inner Child, you try to live in an adult world like a 4-year old boy or girl. You feel all alone, afraid of the big nasty world there outside, not knowing what to do, where to ask for help, how to protect you. This is a very difficult way of doing. You will always feel afraid, fearful, doubtful, tired. It is hard to try to survive as a child in a grown up world. You will feel angry and afraid most of the time, and lost.

Why is that? Because nobody takes care of that Little Child inside you.
Let’s say your name is Charlotte. You are 42 years old. Inside you lives the little Charlotte. She’s four. When you are busy in the outside world taking care of other people, of business, of getting around, of doing a thousand things every day, the little Charlotte will feel overlooked. When you’re always running to help others, to make sure their needs are fulfilled, you will be exhausted every night and cry in your bed. Sometimes you will get temper tantrums. You will feel very angry without any reason (but still there is one, a big one!).

All these big emotions are attempts from your Inner Child to get your attention.
Imagine you have, besides your children, husband, collegues, parents, friends, a little four-year old girl named Charlotte. Nobody ever notices her. Nobody takes care of her. Whenever she tries to tell something and get some attention, you shout to her “Shut up!”. You say “I have to take care of my parents, my work, my husband, my paperwork, my friends, my other children, my house… I don’t have time for you!”

How do you think she will feel? What do you think she will do? First she will try to get your attention by showing big emotions. She will cry a lot, she will scream and shout, maybe she’s getting aggressive from time to time. You think you’re angry at the outside world, but it is Your Inner Child that is angry with YOU! She’s sad and angry because you don’t care about her! You act as if she doesn’t exist! Nothing is worse than acting as if our Inner Child doesn’t exist. This means trying to live as if WE don’t exist.

The worst feeling in the world is being unloyal to one's self. Nothing is worse than this!

How many times did we ignore what we felt, to please someone else. How many times did we say to our Inner Child “Shut up, you are not important, the other one is far more important than you are, go away, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you”? Awful isn’t it? And we do this every time we let come the desire of the other one before ours.

This little Charlotte inside, what will she do? She will give up after a while. After trying a long time to show her emotions, she will give up. She will get very tired of all this and she will say :”It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t want to take care of me, I’m not worth it”, and she will get depressed.

Of course you will think you get depressed because of others, because of your work, because of your children, because of your husband or parents.
It is nobody’s fault. But you have to learn how to take care of this Inner Child which is suffering from your lack of attention to her.

When, after getting depressed things still don’t change, there’s one weapon left to catch your attention : little Charlotte will get sick. Or she will get an accident. Maybe that way the adult Charlotte will learn to give finally attention to her Inner Child, which is as real (if not more) as a real child of flesh and blood.

You need to learn how to be a loving parent for yourself.

What does that mean?

First you need to develop an Inner Mother. If you were lucky and had a loving caring mother, you can take her as an exemple. Otherwise you need to invent, to create this Inner Mother, which is your feminine caring energy. Everytime you have an emotion, your Inner Mother should ask your Inner Child : “What happens, my darling?” Listen to what your Inner Child has to say. Than you go on with the dialogue. Inner Mother says : “Come here. Come in my arms, I love you as you are. I love you with what you feel.”
Doing that, the heaviness of the emotions will drop pretty much. Than you say these words : “I understand”. These words are very important, because most of the time we don’t feel very “normal” having the feelings we have and we try to ignore or suppress them, which makes them heavier. “I understand, my darling, come here in your Mothers arms, I love you.”
Stay with these words and feelings for a while, and than ask :” What do you need?”
Whatever the Child answers, you say : “We will ask this of your Father”.

And here starts the task of your Inner Father, who is there to protect you and to act for you in the outside world. You would never send a four-year old asking for a raise at work or getting to resolve a conflict at school or with the neighbours, would you? So why do you try it? Send out your Inner Father to take care of whatever you have to do in the outside world. Your Inner Father is your male energy, which enables you to make decisions, to take action, to follow your inner guidance (which is located in you Inner Child, also called Intuition) and to manifest your Child’s desires in the world.

When your Child has a need, for instance to call someone or to go somewhere to arrange something, imagine that your Inner Child stays at home with his Mother who takes care of his feelings (“I understand you’re afraid…”) and that your Inner Father (another part of your being) goes out there to act. Your Inner Father is that part of you which is able to handle stress, to take action, to arrange conflicts and all other stuff that has to do with the outside world. If that part is missing because you didn’t have a good model when you were little yourself, you will have to create and develop it.

Of course your Inner Child, Mother and Father are all parts of you. It is all you. It is just a model to understand what is happening inside you and how you can learn to love yourself.

Loving yourself is listening to your Inner Child, taking his emotions seriously, understanding what he feels and taking action in the desired direction. Loving yourself is having this dialogue with yourself every morning when you open your eyes, every evening when you go to bed, and every time you have an emotion.

Loving yourself is building a strong inner connection with yourself.
It is creating your own loving family, inside you. You will never feel alone anymore. You are already three! Call it your Trinity. Wherever you go, from now on you go with your Inner Family. Your are not alone. You are loved and you are protected. You listen to yourself and take care of that precious little Child that has been waiting for so long to get your attention and love.

This is inner healing.

If You'll ... Then I'll ...

Fill in the blanks in the above sentence however you want.

Have you heard this often?

Do you say it often?

Do you think it often?

This simple sentence is a contract that is often unconsciously created with people, and it can have a disastrous effect on your life.

Just the other day, a friend was telling me about her husband and the fact they had a weekend together without the children. She was telling me that if he brought her flowers and took her out for dinner, then she would feel loved and cared for.

Guess what, he didn’t buy her flowers or take her out for dinner. He decided to sit in and read the new Harry Potter book!

And I wonder if you can guess how she felt?

That’s right. She felt rejected, unloved, unhappy and had a generally miserable weekend.

And of course, he was oblivious to all this and had no idea what he had done wrong!

Everyone creates unconscious contracts, from childhood through to adulthood. You create conditions which rely on other people to perform certain actions in order for you to feel certain emotions.

In fact, you often create the contracts with people and then don’t even tell them about it!!!

How on earth are they meant to meet these conditions if they are not even aware of them in the first place?

“If you do … then I will feel …”

“If you don’t do … then I will be …”

I witnessed a mother shouting at her son in the supermarket the other day, “If you don’t behave then no one will like you”.

What a fantastic contract to put on a kid … NOT!

What effect do you think saying something like that could have on a child?

Or even an adult?

You cannot make anyone else do anything; you can’t force people to do things that meet your conditions. You have no control over anyone else.

The only person you can control is yourself.

If you are going to make these contracts with people, then tell them. You’ll discover your relationships improve immensely because of it. Also, you may find these contracts are met more often because at least by being aware of it, the other person can attempt to meet it.

Watch yourself and see how often you say, “If you … then I ….” to yourself. What effect does this have on your life? Do these contracts make your life better or worse?

Stop making these contracts that make you unhappy and start making contracts that make you feel great and improve your life.

What if you had a contract with everyone that said something like, “If you are yourself and do whatever you do, harming none, then I’ll like you”?

Do you think that would make you feel better?

Removing these contracts allows you to practise acceptance. You can accept people for who and what they are and what they do. It allows you to get on with these people better, stops you judging them and stops you from allowing them to hurt you.

Accept the people around you for who and what they are and remove the contracts that you used to have. You will find that your quality of life improves because you are not being allowing them to hurt you any more.