Audiences Are Your Friend

For the rank amateur to the ignorant professional, audiences create the same effect no matter how small they are to a speaker. Fear and anxiety.

From a single person to a crowd as big as the fans in the Super Bowl, speaking in front of a serious listening audience is the true test and baptism of fire.

Despite this, audiences are predictable. Audiences listen to you because they want to learn something from the speaker.

Following this logic, the speaker would do well to follow the strategy of making it informative as well as interesting to listeners to see your speech through till the end.

Here are some tips on how you can have the audience listen in rapt attention.

1. Speak according to the listeners’ interests. It is always a good idea to find out what the crowd you are speaking to is interested in. For example, if you have more teenagers in the crowd, you don’t really want to talk about your subject in a way that bores them, like good education. Other aspects to consider would be the local culture, age, sports, religious inclinations, etc. Talk about what’s important to them, something they can easily relate to without a stretch of imagination.

2. Praise the audience. Audiences are human too, and each and every one of them has a need to be acknowledged as much as you want to be acknowledged for speaking well in front of them. There is only one requirement for this maxim, that your praise be one hundred percent sincere. Anything less and you’ll have resentment in your hands.

3. Connect with the audience. Find a common thread that makes the audience relate to you, and you’ll find that the speech will come through really well. Finding a common thread humanizes you and the speech. It makes them want to listen to you because it may in some way be of great benefit to them.

4. Have the audience participate. Get somebody to come onstage and participate in a demonstration. Ask questions of the audience. Get feedback. Encourage them to walk up to the microphone and give you a piece of their mind. The point is to involve the audience, once more, making it more real to them. Taking them along with you in your experience.

5. Less you, more them. Play yourself down. Nobody, especially an audience, likes to be lectured to. This will cause resentment that will last a long time. Never feel that you are above them. The better way to think about your audience would be that you care about their welfare. Think of yourself as their best friend, and more often than not, this will hold you in good stead.

Dealing With Sorrow – Depression Management

While the term depression has been commonly used that people tend not to take it seriously anymore, it is a very serious condition that could impair one’s life. Depression is very difficult. It can debilitate one’s normal functions, making even the most mundane tasks such as getting up from bed or eating breakfast seemingly difficult. It is sad to think that a lot of depressed individuals are not treated because of the high costs of therapy. However, coping with depression is still possible without professional help if one knows depression management. Here are a few things that can help people deal with depression, it is important to note however, that professional therapy is still very invaluable with serious depression. These steps are just suggestions for alleviating the condition.

Staying active is one way to take one’s mind off depression. Primarily, activities help distract people from whatever it is that is causing their depression and it also helps channel unspent energies that build up when one is depressed. Keeping active also releases endorphins – natural mood boosters that somehow cheer people up.

It is also important to take a rest. Being depressed can be very exhausting, so it is essential to regain strength and energy if one is to deal with depression. Relaxation techniques can help one be more attuned to the self and be more at peace. When resting, stress should be kept away from the bedroom so that ample rest can be obtained.

Depressed people should also express their emotions. Depression usually results from suppressed emotions. People who are grieving can be prone to depression if they keep their emotion to themselves. A lot of people avoid crying because they think it might be a sign of weakness. However, it is important to cry because it releases one’s emotions. When expressing feelings, it is important to avoid catharsis – venting up one’s anger by doing something violent like boxing, smashing things, and the like. Catharsis does not release one’s emotion, especially anger. Rather, it makes a person practice violence as an expression of emotion, and thus can be very dangerous.

Hang around with friends and loved ones. Depressed individuals need support very much. Other people can distract one from stress. People can also remind a depressed individual that there can be more to life, and it is worth living even if it is simply because of the company of wonderful people.

Lastly, it is important to believe in oneself. A lot of people get depressed because they put themselves down. It is important to satisfy oneself and gain a sense of self-worth. It is good to do something that would make one happy. Prioritizing one’s self can help one to believe that one’s own life is important and can be enjoyed. Being kind to oneself is one of the most important steps to get away from a depressive state.

Depression management is possible and entails taking charge of one’s self. When dealing with depression however, it is important not to rush. Sadness does not disappear overnight; it takes time to get back on one’s feet. Little by little, one can get out of depression and have a normal life once more.

Coping With Stress

With Christmas just around the corner, many people are racking their brains trying to figure out what gifts to give to everyone. Finding the time to shop on top of all the other daily stresses we encounter just adds to our dilemma. (No, I am not going to try and sell you products here or give you gift ideas.)

Holidays bring about their own added stress with all the shopping and party going that must be done. For some it is the straw that breaks the camels back so before it arrives we must be prepared to cope with it.

Stress is an inevitable part of life. We will never be able to get rid of it completely. In fact, you wouldn’t want to get rid of it completely because, believe it or not, stress is also good for you. Stress revs up our internal engines and makes us ready to take action. The problems arise when we don’t take care of the situations at hand. This keeps our engines running but we are not going anywhere. Life is not meant to be lived as a Formula 1 Race.

Lily Tomlin once said, “Some people say life is a rat race. If we take that attitude, then even if you win, you are still a rat”.

Life doesn’t have to be a rat race. We can learn to live with stress as we learn to allow balance into our lives.

How can we cope with stress?
The first step in coping with stress is to be sure that we get enough sleep. This is the first area that people fail in. They feel that because there is so much to do they need to cut back on sleep in order to get more time in their day. This is a never-ending devil’s circle because the less sleep we have the more tired we are and the less able to cope and then the more stress we feel.

Dealing with stress does not depend on the quantity of time we have but on the quality. If we are well rested we are clear headed and able to come up with solutions to our problems. If we are overtired we will accomplish little and keep going in circles.

Try and find a balance in your sleep cycle. Go to bed the same time each night and get yourself into a routine that your body can count on.

So rule #1 Get more sleep.

Rule #2 Eat a balanced diet.

What does diet have to do with stress? Everything! Our bodies need to run as a well tuned engine. If we feed it crap you will feel like crap. You need a balanced diet with fruits and vegetables and lots of water to keep running well.
Rule #3 Stop Procrastinating

Procrastination is the biggest stress producer. If you don’t have time to tackle your problems all at once at least put aside some time each day to work on a part of the problem. Take care of it in little chunks and before you know it the problem is gone.

A Mountain is moved one stone at a time. Start moving your stones and you’ll get rid of your mountain.

Rule #4 Manage Your Time Effectively

Just like money, time also must be budgeted. You only have so many hours in a day and they must be used judiciously. Balance here is the key. Make sure to take some time to work, deal with problems and relax.

You must be sure to include relaxation time for yourself, even if it is only 15 minutes a day. Add it to your schedule and make sure you take this time for yourself. Even if you must go to your room and lock the door to get it, be sure to do it.

There are many things you can do to relax and get your mind at ease. Simple things such as a walk outside can help restore frazzled nerves and give you time to reflect on your life. Other choices would be a nice, warm bath, or a quiet spot where you can meditate.

Mediation does not have to be anything grand or complicated. Just find some quiet time and let all cares out of your mind. Think of nothing for 15 minutes. I find it easier to imagine a black screen in front of me. Every time a thought comes through my mind I remind myself that I do not want to think right now. My black screen is on. Just do nothing, think nothing, be totally at peace for 15 minutes. It will do wonders for you. After you will find that you can think much more clearly. A quiet mind brings about answers that you would never usually think of.

Lastly, the effects stress will have on you is defendant upon the way you react to it. Stress is like the bully at school who keeps coming around to taunt you. You can let him have your candy or you can stand up and do something about it. The choice is yours.

May the Christmas season bring you peace.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

Are You Giving Yourself A Hard Time?

Are you constantly criticizing yourself for every little time you do wrong, for example saying things to ourselves like….“I should have said this”… “Look I can’t even do this simple thing”… “Everyone thinks I’m stupid” etc, etc.

I put my hand up too, I know I’m guilty of this as well as everyone, I often say things like “I wonder will anybody read this article” or “maybe they will think it stinks” blah, blah, blah.

But when you think of it if you had a best friend and you talked to them like this how long would they stay with you?.. Or would they even want to be around you? But we do this everyday and, when you really think about you’ll never be able to escape from "you" no matter how far you run, so today give yourself a break!!

We often go through our day to day life being constantly stressed out and on edge but when you think about it how much stress is actually coming from the outside and how much are you actually making yourself through negative thinking and letting your imagination run away with you?? So, today treat yourself and give yourself a pep talk

Try out this exercise on yourself when you have some quiet time to yourself. Put your left hand on your heart chakra (this point is in the middle of your chest) and slowly focus on your breathing as you do this, imagine your breath coming in through your hand and into your chest and with every inhalation feel a wave of relaxation entering with it.

And as you breathe out feel the stress going out of your body back out through your hand. When you find yourself starting to relax, start to say some positive affirmations to yourself out loud. Congratulate yourself for all that you’ve done that day and anything positive else you’d like to say.

If you find it a bit awkward to think of things to say to yourself …. mentally step back and think of you as a small child or a friend you really like and imagine what nice things they’d like to hear you say to them and then say these to yourself.

You’ll definitely start to feel a lot better about yourself and probably in the future you’ll catch yourself before you call yourself something nasty or start to pick on yourself!!

All The Money In The World Will Not Take Away Your Fears And Anxieties

All the money in the world will not take away your fears and anxieties. You can be the most successful person in your business, however your money and success will do nothing in getting rid of your stresses and anxieties. So what do you do to make your fears and anxieties to go away? Well, since money and fame are not the answers, then the best solution is to be smart in how you manage your fears. Here are some ways in how to manage your persistent fears and anxieties.

Take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself.

Learn how to manage your fearful thoughts that may be difficult to manage. When experiencing a negative thought, read some positive statements and affirmations that help lift your spirits and make you feel better. Remember that your fearful thoughts may be exaggerated so balance these thoughts with realistic thinking and common sense.

Take advantage of the help that is available around you. If possible, talk to a professional who can help you manage your fears and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem. By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with their problems in the future. Managing your fears and anxieties takes practice. The more you practice, the better you will become.

When managing your fears and anxieties do not try to tackle everything at once. The best solution is to break your fears or problems into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

Managing your fears and anxieties will take some hard work. Sooner or later, you will have to confront your fears and anxieties. Remember that all you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and take things in stride. Patience, persistence, education, and being committed in trying to solve your problem will go along way in fixing your problems.

You should really get a life

Anxiety: A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.

You could also say that anxiety is a function of what Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City aptly describes as ‘shoulding’. The ‘realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation’ comes about because we want something to be contrary to the reality of the situation. It is no wonder I find myself in a constant state of anxiety. I ‘should’ all over every single aspect of my life, from daily occurrences, to how everything else in my life ‘should’ be. It’s quite pathetic really. The slightest non-event can ruin my day due to my resistance in accepting what is so at that point of time.

Take this morning for example. I decided to catch a bus to work rather than taking the train, believing a more direct route to work would save an annoying train line change at central station. What I didn’t take into consideration, however, were the frequency of the bus stops in the middle of peak hour traffic, making the journey to work much longer than the simple 10 minute wait between train rides. I was going to be late. Really late. All of a sudden my mind went into ‘it shouldn’t be this way’ mode, and I was performing the silent angry dance (mental trashing of everything) every time the bus stopped. I’d curse the passengers who held me up because they’d buy their ticket from the driver instead of holding a prepaid one (even though I did the same thing when I got on the bus), until eventually my ‘shoulding’ went into overdrive: “I should have recharged my phone so I could call the office”, “I shouldn’t have taken so long to get ready”, “There shouldn’t be so many bus stops! Didn’t we just stop, like, 100 metres back?” “There should be a bus lane”, “I’m so irresponsible!” and on and on and on and on…this futile mind activity proceeded to develop into a full-blown anxiety attack. And for what? Being 20 minutes late for work? Ma vaffanculo!

And then there are the broader aspects of ‘shoulding’ that persist on a daily basis. This ranges from my physical appearance (I should be taller, have smaller bones, thicker hair, and darker, smoother skin), my age (I should be further into my career by now, own a home by now, have saved $20 grand by now, know more stuff by now, be married with children by now), my family (they should be more together, more educated, and more loving and supportive of me), and everything else you can think if. It’s never perfect, and there is ALWAYS something to fix.

What would it take to give this ‘shoulding’ up for good? Firstly, I need to look at the impact ‘shoulding’ has on my life. ‘Shoulding’ in actual fact means that I don’t have a life. If I don’t accept the way everything is, from my hair to my bank balance, and take real responsibility for it, really own it, then I’m not really living, because I’m never really present. Life only exists in the here and now. The past only exists in memory and the future doesn’t exist at all. So ‘shoulding’ takes us out of life because it is not related to reality at all. It is not ‘what’s so right now’. The sooner I accept what is so, the sooner I come back to, well, life!

I believe it to be as simple as that. Life shouldn't be any other way just because it isn't any other way.

Right now I’m ‘shoulding’ about what I’ve just written. I’m telling myself it should be funnier, and sound less like Dr Phil. But do you know what? What is even more important to me right now is that I express my experience living in the world of should, with the hope you can relate to what I’ve just said, and maybe even get something out of it.

Why Should You Set Goals?

Wonder why some people could not even achieve an inch of what they dream of becoming? Blame it on pure dreaming and lack of setting goals for achieving their dreams.

Setting goals is a very significant part of success and positive accomplishments. It is like scaling a 20 feet building and marking early on what feet you would like to reach at this specific period.

People who set goals literally create a map of their target achievements in life, marking where they should begin, where to pause, where to delve a bit, and where and when to stop. Once this map is created, it allows the map drawer to check where he is in the scheme of things and whether or not he is making some achievements that will take him closer to his goals.

By setting goals, people will know how they are doing and what they should be doing to achieve their targets or dreams in life. They will know if they can relax or if they have to double their efforts when they are falling short of what is expected of them.

Goal setting means a person is proactive in dealing with challenges that may affect his plans. Being proactive means one is able to outline possible difficulties that may occur as well as the solutions to these difficulties. By doing this, a person is not easily scared or defeated when challenges occur because he has already prepared for them. He knows they can happen and he has prepared a solution or strategy when that time comes.

Setting goals will enable people to track their progress in whatever endeavor they have set out to do. It will help people become more confident in themselves and more motivated to achieve their plans.

However, goal setting is not enough, as this should be accompanied by a positive outlook and self-discipline. A person may have a blueprint of where he wants to go, but if he does not have the necessary discipline to carry out the plan, then nothing will come out of it.

To be successful in goal setting, the goals that one has set for himself should be realistic and based on his capabilities, as well as selected and important external factors. Being too ambitious in setting up goals can make the goals unrealistic and difficult to achieve. However, do not also set goals that are too low because this might discourage one’s vision instead of achieving it.

It is also necessary that the person setting the blueprint for his direction should also include a time frame within which the goal will be achieved. This way, he is able to determine if he has to fast track his strategies or to slow down a bit. Goal setting will also help a person check if he is performing within his plans or if he is doing things towards the achievement of his plans.

Once you have achieved something, even a little of what you hoped to achieve, then you should always give yourself a pat in the back to keep you motivated. But do not be too complacent with any little achievement, as this may cause you to backslide.

Setting goals can be used in any aspect of one’s life - from one’s personal or family life, to his career and finances. Goal setting can be as simple as setting a target weight when you wish to lose pounds or something big, like earning your first million.

When setting goals, it is always important to set standards that would suit your present situation, your capabilities, and other factors that may influence the achievement of your goal.